


Far too young to die

by tsundanire



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, mention of pregnant lily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:27:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21513067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsundanire/pseuds/tsundanire
Summary: The crown rests heavy on his head tonight.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	Far too young to die

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a long time ago, and I finally got the courage to try and write these boys again. It's angsty and sad but it was nice to finally get out. Thanks go to the incredible @letsdothepanic for the beta work! <3

_I've never so adored you_

_I'm twisting allegories now_

_I want to complicate you_

_Don't let me do this to myself_

_I'm chasing roller coasters_

_I've got to have you closer now_

_Endless romantic stories_

_You never could control me_

_Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight_

_When the crown hangs heavy on either side_

_Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die._

_Far too young to die_

_Far too young to die_

-

Sirius ground his cigarette into the ashtray sitting on the table. The war was chasing their heels in a way that made him feel seven shades of restless. Each day brought something else: a new task from Dumbledore, an order member in peril, a letter that needed to be written, a potion brewed.

Every moment was a moment lived right on the edge, constantly in fear of falling into a dark abyss. They said that, in those darkest moments of complete uncertainty, many people decided to fight that fear with love. 

Most couplings Sirius couldn’t care less about, though he was especially supportive of James and Lily when they wanted to get married. They were a true beacon of light in such a hard time, proving to almost anyone who looked their way that anything could be overcome. 

Barely a couple months later they’d announced her pregnancy. Lily had been thrilled, as had most of their friends and family. James had been thrilled when in the spotlight, but Sirius would never forget the night he’d shown up at Sirius’ loft in London - hands shaking and looking as if he’d been pulling his hair out in all directions.

“Calm down mate. Just tell me what’s wrong?” Sirius had poured them both two fingers of the strongest thing he could find in his cabinets, then he’d offered the second low-ball glass to James. 

“It’s the baby. I mean, how is this not the worst thing to happen, Padfoot? How are we supposed to deal with raising a _baby_ in the middle of this war?!” James’ voice had taken on an edge of hysteria, so Sirius had nudged the hand holding the glass - in an attempt to encourage James to take a sip. 

“Easy there Prongs. You’re thinking way too far into the future.” 

“How can I not? It’s a baby! I’m going to be a dad!” James had groaned, taking a sip then bringing his head down between his knees.

“Exactly. And Lily is going to be a mum.” Sirius had crossed his legs before taking another sip. 

James had paused and lifted his head, as if he’d only just remembered that little fact. 

“She’s going to be a mum…” He’d murmured into the glass filled with amber liquid. 

“Yeah, that’s right Prongs.” Sirius’d spoken a little condescendingly, as if he’d been speaking to a child rather than a grown man. “And have you wondered how she might be feeling? She’s going to have loads new hormones to contend with. And that’s not even talking about the new physical changes she’s going to have to deal with, that you don’t.” 

James had narrowed his eyes and downed the rest of his drink - handing it back to a bemused Sirius - before stepping back through the floo, looking more determined than when he’d first arrived. 

Sirius had rolled his eyes with an amused chuckle, knowing that although all their problems hadn’t been solved - at least James would sleep a little more easily tonight. 

-

_Fixation or psychosis?_

_Devoted to neurosis now_

_Endless romantic stories_

_You never could control me_

_Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight_

_When the crown hangs heavy on either side_

_Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die._

_Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight_

_When the crown hangs heavy on either side_

_Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die._

_Far too young to die_

_Far too young to die_

-

A scrap bit of parchment Sirius kept close by started to glow. Remus was trying to get in touch. 

[ **12:29 P.M.** ] **Moony**

I know it’s late

[ **12:29 P.M.** ] **Moony**

Can I come over?

[ **12:31 P.M.** ] **Padfoot**

Are you sure that’s a good idea?

[ **12:31 P.M.** ] **Moony**

Probably not.

[ **12:32 P.M.** ] **Moony**

But I’d rather take the chance and deal with the repercussions in the morning over missing my chance all together. 

[ **12:35 P.M.** ] **Padfoot**

I’m not going to say no. You know I couldn’t if I tried. 

[ **12:37 P.M.** ] **Moony**

I’m at the door.

-

_Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight_

_When the crown hangs heavy on either side_

_Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die._

-

They kissed as if the world was ending. And, for all they knew, tomorrow it could. They smashed their bodies into walls and counters, over tables and chairs, never quite making it to the bed, but not caring so long as there remained no space between them. Until the very air was thick with desperate panting, hearty grunts, and sweat. 

Given the way people huddled in their homes, fear and panic as much an installation in every home as any appliance or furnishing, it was clear that they were in the very thick of war. And just like any war, there were people joining together as physically as could be, just to have a taste of something bigger than themselves—lest they never made it another day. 

Tasting Remus was very much a thing out of Heaven itself. He was every ounce as breathtaking and enthusiastic as Sirius had imagined. If he was meant to have only one night, Sirius planned on making it the most memorable night they’d ever had. Even more so than James’ bachelor party. 

And by the time the sun started to rise, nothing more than a shimmering hint of light trying to sneak between the open crevice of the curtains, Sirius felt like a new man. A man who could conquer mountains and beasts, maybe even the Dark Lord himself. With Remus at his side and in his bed, what couldn’t he do?

But when he opened his eyes, the bed was empty.

Remus had left in the night; Sirius wasn’t sure when, though there was a slip of paper on the pillow where his head had been.

_Sirius,_

_I know I said I’d deal with the repercussions in the morning. As it turns out, I’m not as much of a brave Gryffindor as I’d thought._

_You deserve the best of everything, Siri. I hope you understand that. But I can’t stay with you the way you want me to. We aren’t destined for a happily ever after, as much as I wish I could have been your Prince Charming._

_There are things moving in the dark; Dumbledore keeps giving new orders and changing things up. I don’t know when the next time I’ll see you again will be… But I’m so glad that at least I have that one night to carry with me for the rest of my life, however long or short that may be. But you? You have way too much ahead of you. So many things you can do with your life, so much change you can affect._

_I believe in you, Padfoot._

_Yours always and forever,_

_Remus_

-

_Far too young to die_


End file.
